Noah's Rainbow

  September 11, 2021 To my Rainbow Baby, Henry, Today, you are seven months old! We have settled into a groove over the last month that Mommy has been back to work, and I’m definitely getting used to being back full time. I miss you like crazy all day long, but I’m finding my rhythm at work again and enjoying being with my colleagues and students. You are having a blast with Gammaw each day, and Pup Pup is one of your favorite buddies when he’s working from home. Gammaw had a vacation to the Jersey Shore a few weeks ago, so you even had a whole week hanging out with Gram and Pops, who came in to watch you. We’re finding our new normal, and while I hope someday to be able to be a full time mom, we’re making this work for now and it’s not too bad so far. You’ve reached a ton of milestones this past month! You are really sitting up like a pro now, playing with toys, rotating to look around, and even starting to try to move out of sitting on to your belly- although you mostly just face...

  August 11, 2021 To my Rainbow Baby, Henry, Today, you are six months old! You are officially halfway to one! How is that even possible? Just yesterday, you were a tiny little peanut born two weeks early, sleepy and snuggly all the time! Now you are a chunky little monkey, you are a busy little bee, and you are learning new things every day!! I simultaneously want time to stop so you will stay this little forever, and feel excitement to see you grow even more, learning to walk, trying new foods, and saying your first words! Either way, I have spent half a year loving being your momma, and I am so happy I get to do it for the rest of my life! We have had a great last month of summer together, but it went way too fast for your momma! Your sixth month started at the end of our trip to Pittsburgh, where we attended your second cousin Andrew’s graduation party. You and him are 18 years apart, which is the same age gap between me and him! I was graduating from high school when he was bo...

     Listen to this post here    I’ve been planning this piece since the end of 2020. Around Christmas time, I decided that my word for 2021 was going to be “peace.” I had a few reasons for this decision. First, I had spent much of the past 3 years feeling very NOT peaceful, as we battled infertility, faced pregnancy loss, and generally felt very uncertain about the future of our family. Second, while 2020 was a year of excitement and celebration for us with the success of our IVF and planning for the arrival of our Rainbow Baby, the rest of life was mostly chaos in the midst of a global pandemic, racial injustice, and political turmoil. Third, I was already well aware that beginning our first chapter of parenthood was going to be super challenging, so I would need every ounce of peace that I could get. So in preparation for this to be my focus for the year, I determined that I would write my first blog post of 2021 about the topic of peace and therefore launc...

July 11, 2021 To my Rainbow Baby, Henry, Today, you are five months old! In the past month, we’ve celebrated some big anniversaries on our journey to bring you into our family. On June 19th, we marked one year from when we found out our embryo transfer had been successful and I was pregnant!! I can still remember the swirl of emotions like it was yesterday- so joyful at the miracle God had granted us, and yet so fearful that it would all be taken away just like it was before. On Tuesday, we will celebrate one year from when we got to see you and hear your heartbeat for the first time! My heart is so full as I look back on my pregnancy with you here in my arms, reading you the letter I wrote you each week as I remember these milestones. It’s hard to believe that a whole year has past since I wrote those words, and I can already tell that next year, when I’m reading you these letters about your first year, I will feel even more emotional about all that God has done for us! We’ve had anot...

June 11, 2021 To my Rainbow Baby, Henry, Today, you are four months old! A year ago yesterday, you were a tiny little embryo when you were placed in my belly. That day was filled with hopes, dreams, fears, and anxiety. I was so hopeful that we would have a viable and healthy pregnancy, yet so afraid that you would join your angel sibling in heaven and that I would face yet another disappointment on my journey to motherhood. And although I had no idea how things would progress or what the future would hold, I knew in that moment that I was your mother. I felt that deep connection to you the moment I saw the tiny flash on the monitor as the doctor released you into my womb. Just as surely as I knew the moment I saw the YES on the pregnancy test that I was a mother to my angel baby, I knew I would always be your momma. Now here you are, a year later, four months old and teaching me new things about motherhood every single day. I am so grateful to God that He has brought us to this moment,...

May 11, 2021 To my Rainbow Baby, Henry, Today, you are three months old! I just do not understand how that is possible. It feels like you were placed in my arms as a tiny newborn and then I blinked and here we are, three months later. You are getting so big, you have such a huge personality, and you are learning and developing every single day. I just can’t believe how fast time is going already, and we’re only three months in. I know that these weeks and months will continue to fly by, so I pray God will help me cherish each moment while I’m in it. We’ve had a busy week and a half since my last letter. Two weekends ago, we made the second stop on our tour to introduce you to your extended family. This time, we drove 6 hours to Belleville, Pennsylvania, so you could meet Gram Miller’s family, the Sharps. Because the drive was much longer, we had to plan out your feeding schedule to make sure our stops were well timed. We made sure you ate right before we got on the road, and you crashe...