May 11, 2021
To my Rainbow Baby, Henry,
Today, you are three months old! I just do not understand how that is possible. It feels like you were placed in my arms as a tiny newborn and then I blinked and here we are, three months later. You are getting so big, you have such a huge personality, and you are learning and developing every single day. I just can’t believe how fast time is going already, and we’re only three months in. I know that these weeks and months will continue to fly by, so I pray God will help me cherish each moment while I’m in it.
We’ve had a busy week and a half since my last letter. Two weekends ago, we made the second stop on our tour to introduce you to your extended family. This time, we drove 6 hours to Belleville, Pennsylvania, so you could meet Gram Miller’s family, the Sharps. Because the drive was much longer, we had to plan out your feeding schedule to make sure our stops were well timed. We made sure you ate right before we got on the road, and you crashed in your carseat pretty quickly. About an hour before we needed to stop so you could eat, Mom pumped in the car so she wouldn’t have to nurse you in a gas station parking lot. This also allowed us to shorten our stop- you took a bottle of pumped milk, a bottle of formula, got a diaper change and we were on the road again. On our drive out, you stayed awake for a lot of the remainder of the drive after we stopped, but as long as you had your paci, you weren’t too fussy. When we arrived at Gram and Pops, you were a happy clam for about 5 minutes, and then you started screaming your head off!! This was the first indicator that something might be up with you, but we really didn’t think much of it yet- just assumed you had a lot of pent up energy from the long ride in your car seat.
Then, this past weekend, we celebrated Mother’s Day. Oh my sweet boy, I’ve been waiting for this day for a long, long time. Mother’s Day has always been so hard for me, going to church and seeing all the moms with their kids and feeling so incomplete because the desire to be a mom was so strong in my heart and yet unfulfilled. When your angel sibling went to be with Jesus, it became even harder because I knew in my heart I was a mom to a baby in heaven, but I didn’t have an earthly child to celebrate with. So now that you are finally here, my heart’s desire feels complete. I will always miss your angel sibling and hold their place in my heart, but I also have you in my arms to hug and kiss and love and raise up in the faith, so I know my earthly mission as a mother is just beginning. To celebrate this first Mother’s Day, your daddy bought me a beautiful necklace with your birthstone, and we went to Gammaw and Pup Pup’s for a relaxing day.
You, little man, had other plans for us. You spent most of the day screaming, making your mom and grandma incredibly worried. You also did a lot of spitting up every time you ate. By the time we sat down for dinner, you had calmed down, but it didn’t ease our minds that something might be wrong. I thought back to that first bout of screaming you had done at Gram and Pop’s the week before, and the few times you had done it since. None of them lasted as long as this. You had also been spitting up more than usually for the past week. That combined with a couple other symptoms made Gammaw think you might be having an issue with reflux, so yesterday morning, I called the doctor and we went in to see him. Right now, we are going to change a couple of things about your feeding regimen: smaller amounts at more frequent intervals, staying upright for longer after feeds, and a new formula that includes a probiotic. Thankfully, you haven’t been as upset as you were on Sunday. You are back to being a happy little guy, although you are still spitting like crazy after most of your meals. We’ll see how things go for the next week and then we’ll head back to the doctor if necessary.
So now, here we are, exactly one week from the end of my maternity leave. Thirteen weeks went by in a hurry. This wild and crazy school year has felt eternal- 3 months of pandemic teaching felt like a century, but the same amount of time on maternity leave was a blink and it’s almost over. I’m already a mess about it. I know I am so lucky as a teacher that I only have to go back to work for 9 days and then I will be back home on summer break for another 10 weeks with you. But right now, I’m just staring down the barrel of next Tuesday when I will have to leave you for 8 hours. You’ll be in good hands with your Gammaw, but I’m going to miss spending my days with you so much. This week, I pray that God will help these days not fly by too quickly so that I can savor my last little bit of leave with you. I pray that He will calm my anxiety over being away from you for that long, and that He will give me peace when I finally head out the door for work. I pray that He will give you peace as well, that you will transition to time away from your momma well and that you will have so much fun each day with your Gammaw. And I pray that God will make those 9 days go by so quickly so that we can get to summer fun in the sun as soon as possible!
I love you, little Rainbow Henry.
Love, Mommy
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