Noah's Rainbow

  My husband has (accurately) accused me of always looking forward to the next thing to make me happy. When we were dating, I was in a hurry to get engaged. When we were engaged, I was in a hurry to get married. When we were first married, I was in a hurry to have a baby and buy a house. Now that we have a baby and a house, I’m finding myself in a hurry to have another baby. I’ve constantly lived with the fear of being left behind. I have been on a track in life where things have happened later for me than for my peers and friends. So I have found myself feeling like I was going to miss out on certain experiences and milestones because they weren’t happening for me when they were happening for everyone around me. No matter how many times I face this challenge, I just can’t seem to manage my own instinct to rush ahead to the end of the story. I can distinctly remember conversations with friends where I said, “If I just knew that I was going to finally meet someone and get married, I...

  January 11, 2022 To my Rainbow Baby, Henry, Today, you are eleven months old! The next time I write you a letter, it will be your first birthday! You are almost a year old, and I just can’t believe it. You have become such a big boy, both literally and figuratively, from the tiny babe who rushed into the world and our hearts two weeks early. The last month has been so fun as we wrap up celebrating the last “firsts” of the first year of your life. I’m feeling all the things about your impending birthday, but mostly, I’m so excited to celebrate you! The biggest thing we did this month was celebrate your first Christmas! We had so much fun making memories, but it was also a very busy whirlwind. We celebrated Christmas at Gammaw and Pup Pup’s first, and we had a great day at their house opening presents, eating brunch and dinner, and video chatting with Uncle John and Auntie Denise. You weren’t really into ripping the wrapping paper off the presents like I thought you would be, but y...

  November 11, 2021 To my Rainbow Baby, Henry, Today, you are nine months old! Time just keeps on moving, you keep on growing and changing and learning, and this momma is stuck in that bittersweet place of wanting you to stay little forever and being so excited to see what you will do next! You are doing so many new things- moving everywhere you can using this hilarious army crawl that looks like you’re doing the butterfly in a swimming pool; eating just about anything we put in front of you, especially fruit; babbling, squealing, and chatting up a storm, breaking Momma’s heart every time “dadadada” comes out of your mouth; doing your darndest to walk by pulling to standing, walking around the kitchen with assistance, and even cruising just a little bit when we support you. You are giving us all a run for our money, and we just love watching you explore the world around you and learn to do all these fun things. But Momma would be okay if things just slowed down a little bit! This m...

  October 11, 2021 To my Rainbow Baby, Henry, Today, you are eight months old! How is it possible that you are this old, this big?! I just cannot believe how time is flying and how fast your birthday is approaching. It seems far away and yet so soon all at the same time. We have had a very busy and exciting month as fall gets into full swing, and you have had quite a few firsts in the last few weeks! We survived your Daddy’s two week trip to Colorado. When we returned from our football weekend in Pennsylvania, we stayed with Gammaw and Pup Pup for a few more days and then headed back to our house for your Gram and Pops to come and watch you while Gammaw and Pup Pup went on vacation. Your dad got home that Friday afternoon, and you were so happy to see him again!! I was so thankful to finally have him home to help me out at night, because you were still having some rough sleep. Things were much better than they had been when you weren’t in your own bed, but you were still up multipl...

  September 11, 2021 To my Rainbow Baby, Henry, Today, you are seven months old! We have settled into a groove over the last month that Mommy has been back to work, and I’m definitely getting used to being back full time. I miss you like crazy all day long, but I’m finding my rhythm at work again and enjoying being with my colleagues and students. You are having a blast with Gammaw each day, and Pup Pup is one of your favorite buddies when he’s working from home. Gammaw had a vacation to the Jersey Shore a few weeks ago, so you even had a whole week hanging out with Gram and Pops, who came in to watch you. We’re finding our new normal, and while I hope someday to be able to be a full time mom, we’re making this work for now and it’s not too bad so far. You’ve reached a ton of milestones this past month! You are really sitting up like a pro now, playing with toys, rotating to look around, and even starting to try to move out of sitting on to your belly- although you mostly just face...

  August 11, 2021 To my Rainbow Baby, Henry, Today, you are six months old! You are officially halfway to one! How is that even possible? Just yesterday, you were a tiny little peanut born two weeks early, sleepy and snuggly all the time! Now you are a chunky little monkey, you are a busy little bee, and you are learning new things every day!! I simultaneously want time to stop so you will stay this little forever, and feel excitement to see you grow even more, learning to walk, trying new foods, and saying your first words! Either way, I have spent half a year loving being your momma, and I am so happy I get to do it for the rest of my life! We have had a great last month of summer together, but it went way too fast for your momma! Your sixth month started at the end of our trip to Pittsburgh, where we attended your second cousin Andrew’s graduation party. You and him are 18 years apart, which is the same age gap between me and him! I was graduating from high school when he was bo...

July 11, 2021 To my Rainbow Baby, Henry, Today, you are five months old! In the past month, we’ve celebrated some big anniversaries on our journey to bring you into our family. On June 19th, we marked one year from when we found out our embryo transfer had been successful and I was pregnant!! I can still remember the swirl of emotions like it was yesterday- so joyful at the miracle God had granted us, and yet so fearful that it would all be taken away just like it was before. On Tuesday, we will celebrate one year from when we got to see you and hear your heartbeat for the first time! My heart is so full as I look back on my pregnancy with you here in my arms, reading you the letter I wrote you each week as I remember these milestones. It’s hard to believe that a whole year has past since I wrote those words, and I can already tell that next year, when I’m reading you these letters about your first year, I will feel even more emotional about all that God has done for us! We’ve had anot...