Noah's Rainbow

            At this point, it’s no secret that I struggle with everything I’ve written about for this blog: anger, resentment, guilt, busyness, envy… Part of my goal in starting this writing ministry was to dive into the Word of God so I could explore these personal struggles, figure out what God says about how to manage them, and then share what I am learning with others who may be struggling with the same thing. This has truly been an exercise in working on myself and letting others know they’re not alone in this messiness of pregnancy and motherhood after loss and infertility. Today’s topic is one that has been a struggle for me literally my entire life: Comparison. Now, before I go further, I want to clarify something. You may already be thinking to yourself, “Meredith, you’ve talked about this before. I remember it!” Back in November, I did a post on replacing envy with gratitude, and I can definitely see why today’s topic seems like a repea...

  February 11, 2023 To my Rainbow Henry, You are two years old! Any entire year has flown by in the blink of an eye and you have officially left the baby stage of your life. You are becoming a rambunctious, smart, funny, sweet toddler and we are just in love with watching you grow and learn and show off your personality. It is truly a delight to be your mama and I’m so grateful that God has blessed me with the honor of raising you, little boy! Where to begin with all the things that have happened this year?! The last time I wrote you a letter, you were cruising all the furniture and mostly just babbling, and now you are running and chatting up a storm! In March, we went on a Spring Break trip with Gammaw, Pup Pup, Uncle John and Aunt Denise to North Carolina. You had taken some wobbly steps independently but you were by no means walking as your primary mode of getting around. By the time we headed home, you were confidently walking around the beach house! It was astonishing to see ...

       It’s our last week looking at how our anxiety in pregnancy and motherhood after loss and infertility can impact our relationships. And I’ll be honest, despite talking about some pretty vulnerable things over the last month, this is the topic I’m looking forward to the least. Just the sight of that word “meekness” in the title of this piece makes me recoil. How about you? Here’s the thing I’ve been thinking about as I’ve prepped and studied for this piece: our society, our culture, is incredibly repelled by meekness. We are bombarded with messages in books, TV shows, movies, and social media posts about how we need to be strong, need to be assertive, need to stand up for ourselves and our beliefs. And you can’t do this by being meek. Now, I absolutely believe there is a time and place for being strong, assertive, and standing up for ourselves and our beliefs. And I believe that Scripture supports this one hundred percent. But there is also a time and place ...

     We’re really getting into relationships this month, and similar to last week, I’m going to do my best not to hold back today. I’m a firm believer that, if I’m vulnerable about my struggles with things like anger and resentment, I will help someone else know they are not alone in that same struggle. So I’m gonna lay my cards on the table again today in solidarity of the struggles of motherhood. I do not like being told that I am in the wrong. I have a major tendency to get defensive when I’m confronted about something I said or did that was not seen in the best light. I think it is in our nature as humans to justify our actions. Most of us don’t purposely say things to hurt someone else, or do things to cause a conflict with the people in our lives. We usually have reasons for why we made the choice to do what we did and say what we said. The problem becomes when those reasons attempt to mask our own contributions to a conflict. In last week’s post, I admitted tha...

       My first brand new post when I relaunched this blog back in the fall was about replacing anger with forbearance. I was pretty vulnerable in that piece, sharing my struggle with mom rage at times because of the overwhelming pressure I feel and load that I carry as a mom after miscarriage and infertility. I’m going to be pretty vulnerable again today as we dive into this topic, because it’s something else that I really struggle with in motherhood, especially after experiencing loss and struggling to conceive. And the feelings I’m going to share are definitely not something I am proud of. But here goes… I have a huge problem with resentment. It’s something that I’ve felt for most of my young adult and adult life, but over the last 5 years, it is something that I have battled constantly as I’ve tried to process my grief and trauma from loss and infertility. It is also something that has become exacerbated by the demands of motherhood. Let me explain… W...