Replacing Insecurity with Confidence

 

    When I sat down to write this piece, I wasn’t sure where to start. I have so many experiences related to my own insecurities, both in pregnancy and motherhood after loss and infertility, and in my life outside of that experience. Which stories are worth telling? Which ones are most relatable? Which ones will connect most to what I’m learning from God about insecurity and confidence?

Out of sheer curiosity and with the hope that it might spark an inspiration for which story to pick, I googled the official definition of “insecurity.” It’s not like I don’t know what the word means; I’ve lived and breathed the word for most of my life. But I thought maybe reading the textbook definition would point me in the right direction for where to begin.

God sure knows what He’s doing.

The first definition of the word reads, “uncertainty or anxiety about oneself; lack of confidence.” This is exactly what I’m feeling right now- uncertainty about myself as a writer. Do I really know what I’m talking about? Do I have the right stories to connect with my reader so they’ll invest in what God has to say through me? I better google the definition of this word to make sure I’m getting it right.

And while that’s not totally the reason I went to Google to help me out with this piece, as I’m typing out this intro I realize that at the root of my need for Google to inspire me is an insecurity that I can’t come up with a good enough hook on my own to bring my readers in- I need the robot in my computer to help me out.

But it’s the second definition that really grabbed my attention: “the state of being open to danger or threat; lack of protection.” As we dig into Scripture today and begin to explore what God has to say on this subject, you will come to see why this definition really caught my eye. But for now, know this: it wasn’t the robot in my computer who’s help I needed in writing this intro; it was the Holy Spirit nudging me in the direction that He wanted this piece to go. And when we listen to the direction of the Holy Spirit, we will discover how to shift our mindset from one of insecurity in ourselves to one of confidence in Him.

Because truthfully, that’s what confidence is all about: being confident of Christ in us. On our own, whether it’s in pregnancy, motherhood, or the other roles in our lives, we will constantly be plagued with feelings of insecurity, believing that we don’t measure up. Without Christ in us, we don’t measure up. But when we are certain that Christ is in us, nudging us in the right direction, we can stand confidently in our identity as His and allow that confidence to enter every part of our lives, motherhood or otherwise.

We’re returning to a place in Scripture we’ve been together before: Judges 9. When we studied the first mention of “trust” in Scripture, we heard the story of Abimelek, who murdered all his brothers in order to gain control of the people. When they put their trust in him, Jotham told a parable about the trees seeking a leader and putting their trust in a thornbush. We’re going to pick up that story right where we left off, which makes sense as “trust” and “confidence” are closely related.

After the people ignored Jotham’s warning and put their trust in Abimelek, he ruled for 3 years. But God decided to stir up animosity between Abimelek and the citizens of Shechem because both needed consequences for their actions in the murders of Abimelek’s brothers. The citizens of Shechem were ambushing and robbing people who were traveling by the city, and eventually this was reported to Abimelek, who decided to oppose these actions.

Angry about this opposition, the citizens of Shechem “put their confidence in” Gaal, who had just moved his family to the area (verse 26). How fickle are these people?! They start out putting trust in Abimelek, but 3 years and one wrong move later, they’ve decided to go with Gaal instead- someone they barely even know!

What I see here is an example of what we humans tend to do when we’re feeling insecure about ourselves. When I’m feeling like I don’t measure up as a mom, I start looking to everything else to boost my confidence: that article on Instagram about a new strategy for dealing with tantrums? That’ll solve my problems! But the second it appears that’s not working, I’ll start looking around to the next thing that will help. Because I don’t feel confident in my own abilities, I find my confidence is something else- and whenever that something else isn’t God, I am living out that second definition of insecurity: open to threat or danger, lacking protection. This is exactly where the people of Shechem find themselves as they put their trust and confidence in everyone but God.

As if the people aren’t already riled up enough against Abimelek, Gaal decides to provoke them even further, asking them why they should serve him. So when someone goes to Abimelek to tell him Gaal is provoking the citizens, he sets an ambush of his own. Gaal falls right into his trap and although he tries to fight back, he and the citizens are driven out of Shechem. Putting their confidence in Gaal didn’t pay off.

But before you think they’ll just jump ship back to Abimelek, God ensures that that is not an option. After one success, Abimelek gets too big for his britches and continues his campaign to destroy cities, heading for Thebez. When he tries to attack the strong tower in the city, a woman drops a milestone on his head. Fearing that he’ll die at the hands of a woman, Abimelek asks one of his men to kill him. Thus God has ensured that the citizens of Shechem have faced the consequences of putting their confidence in anyone but Him.

The Hebrew word for “confidence” here has a lot of definitions. “Trust” and “cause to trust” are among them, as is “feel safe.” If we’re trying to battle our own insecurities, then placing our trust in someone who will make us feel safe through their protection is the best way to go. Another definition for this word is “make to hope,” which transitions us nicely to confirmation that the only one to put our confidence in is God.

Psalm 65:5 in the NIV says, “...God our Savior, the hope of all the ends of the earth…”. The King James translates this as, “...O God of our salvation; who art the confidence of all the ends of the earth…”. The citizens of Shechem had no confidence in themselves, and rightfully so. Our human flesh is weak and cannot protect us on its own. But instead of turning to the confidence of all the ends of the earth, Shechem turned to other human flesh for their confidence, and it ended miserably. Instead, we need to turn to God, who can provide “refuge, security, and sure hope” according the Hebrew word for “confidence” in Psalm 65:5. He is the true antidote to being open to threat or danger, and lacking protection.

Our anxieties in pregnancy and motherhood after loss and infertility cause us to feel insecure; we will never be good enough for what we’ve been blessed with or what we’re longing to receive. We feel if we aren’t good enough, then we will not be able to protect our rainbow baby and will therefore be left open to threats and danger. When we replace insecurity with confidence, we can embrace our God-given place in His Kingdom, knowing Christ is in us and protecting us and those we care for, and we can find joy in the roles He has for us.

This is the message of Psalm 27. If God is our salvation, who should we fear? Our enemies will fall to Him. Even when war comes against us, we can be confident, because we will dwell with Him forever. He will keep us safe so we can sing His praises. He will hear us when we call Him; He will not hand us over to our enemies. Therefore, we “remain confident of this: [we] will see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living” (verse 13). So we wait for the Lord and take heart in Him.

That’s the thing, guys. This isn’t just about being confident that we are saved to eternal life and will see goodness when we are in His kingdom with Him. It’s about being confident that God will protect us and bless us right here, right now! He will meet us in the nitty gritty moments of motherhood and carry us through- we can be confident in that!

The Hebrew word used in verse 13 means, “support, be faithful, uphold, made firm, lasting, verified, reliable.” It carries the King James translation, “I had believed” that I would see this promise fulfilled. It indicates “pillars, supporters of the door.” This is something we can stand firmly on. This is something that will hold us up. This is something that will support us in the toughest moments of our lives.

This is also something that will guide us. Part of the definitions of this word includes, “take the right hand, to turn right, choose to the right.” This part of the definition comes from Isaiah 30:21: “Whether you turn to the right or to the left, your ears will hear a voice behind you, saying, “This is the way, walk in it.”

Remember that nudge from the Holy Spirit that led me to google the definition of insecurity to help prepare me to write this piece? That’s the confidence this verse is referring to. The confidence that Christ is in us, guiding us by the Holy Spirit, to make sure that we walk in His ways. We don’t need to rely on ourselves to find the correct path in motherhood or in life. He will be there to tell us where to turn! His directions are so much more reliable than our own.

It’s so easy to put our confidence in what we can see, what we can hear, what is tactile. We place our confidence in experts and gurus and people with fancy degrees. And with all our insecurities, we still try to place our confidence in ourselves. We think that if we read enough books or follow enough experts, we can just grit our teeth and will ourselves to be good enough. But we will find, just like the citizens of Shechem, that everyone made of human flesh will let us down, first and foremost ourselves. If we will place our confidence in God, in Jesus, it will not go to waste.

This is why the author of Hebrews says, “So do not throw away your confidence; it will be richly rewarded” (Hebrews 10:35 NIV). The people were persecuted when they put their confidence in Jesus, but they endured it joyfully. When we, too, persevere in the will of God this way, we will receive what He has promised us: goodness in the land of the living and eternal life with Him.

This Hebrew word tells us to have “free and fearless confidence,” “cheerful courage,” “boldness,” “assurance,” and “the undoubting confidence of Christians relative to their fellowship with God.” If you have placed your confidence in Jesus, you need not try to find security in yourself. Rest is God’s protection from threats and danger. Follow the guidance He provides. Believe that you will see His reward in the here and now. That is the confidence God provides, to the ends of the earth.