Replacing Unworthiness with Entrustment

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    Feeling unworthy is something I’ve struggled with for a long time.

I wasn’t very popular when I was in school, so I felt unworthy of friendship and attention, particularly in high school. I had a lot of friends that treated me poorly and I had crushes on a lot of guys who were very unkind to me. Most of my boyfriends and guys I dated through high school, college, and my adult life walked all over me and then rejected me like yesterday’s newspaper.

My undergraduate degree is in Broadcast Journalism, which can be a ruthless business to try to break into. I killed many trees sending out resumes trying to get a job, and heard back from almost none of them. Out of the two interviews I got, one of them told me they intended to offer me the job after checking my references, then sent me an email a few days later saying they’d hired an internal candidate.

When I finished my Master’s in Education, I killed another round of trees sending out resumes, and again heard back from almost none of them. The only interviews I got were at schools where I knew someone and was able to have my resume pushed to the top of the pile. One of those interviews was with a principal who had actually been the principal at my high school when I was a student, and he raved about my additional experience with dance and journalism, as their school was in need of a new advisor for both their dance team and their news show. But then two weeks later, I received a form letter that they were going with another candidate.

And although all these stories eventually had happy endings- kissing many frogs before finding my husband, facing a lot of rejections before being offered my dream job at my alma mater- when Justin and I faced infertility and pregnancy loss, those feelings of unworthiness immediately resurfaced. I forgot what I had learned about how the awful relationships I had been in had taught me all the things I didn’t want or wouldn’t tolerate in a relationship, preparing me to know that my husband was a good one (even when he drives me up the wall ;). I forgot how I had seen God’s perfect timing in all those rejections in my job search, which eventually sent me on a new career path and freed me up to be able to take the job that I had wanted since pursuing an Education degree. Instead, I focused on all the qualities that I had filed away in my mind that made me unworthy, and pasted them on my forehead as the list of why I was unworthy to be a mom.

My anxiety caused me to feel completely unworthy of any blessings- the one that I sought (being a mom) and the ones that I'd already received (my job, my marriage). I believed that God would withhold something from me because He didn’t think I was worthy of receiving it.

This struggle hasn’t ended since my son was born; in all honesty, it’s probably gotten harder to navigate.

I look around my house and see piles of paper on the desk, clutter on the counters, toys strewn all over the floor, and a bathroom that I’m embarrassed to tell you when the last time it was cleaned- unworthy.

I look in my fridge and see a row of half-eaten pouches and left overs from take out or meals that are definitely not homemade; in my freeze you’ll find frozen chicken nuggets, fish sticks, and broccoli tots- unworthy.

I look in the playroom and see my laptop sitting on top of my son’s castle slide, from where I put an hour’s worth of Cocomelon on for him so I could get ready for church in peace; when we’re on the road traveling, the iPad inevitably dies from hours of use- unworthy.

I often look at the things that I do and don’t do as a mom and deem myself to be unworthy because it’s somehow not the “right” way to do things. Says who? I don’t know, but I’m convinced it’s true.

I easily forget that God doesn’t see me as unworthy. He has deemed me so worthy of this blessing that He has entrusted the life of my son to me.

   What does it mean to be entrusted with something? The first time this term shows up in Scripture (I used the NIV translation for this word study because, surprisingly, the word “entrusted” doesn’t appear in the KJV) is in Genesis, in the story of Joseph.

You may be familiar with the beginning of Joseph’s story: the first born to Jacob’s favorite wife Rachel, he was the favorite child and didn’t have a hard time telling his brothers how great he was. After having a dream that predicted they would bow before him, his brothers planned to kill him but ended up selling him into slavery instead, and then went home and told their father he was attacked by an animal and killed, bringing his blood-soaked technicolor coat as proof.

Once sold into slavery, Joseph was taken to Egypt when he was bought by a man named Potiphar. Here, Scripture tells us the first time of many in this story that “God was with Joseph” and he was very successful working for Potiphar- so much so that Joseph found favor with his master and Potiphar “entrusted to his care everything he owned” (Genesis 39:4). Because God was the one causing Joseph to prosper, by default this also caused Potiphar’s household to be blessed and he didn’t have to worry about any of his property now that Joseph was tending to it.

Blue Letter Bible switches from NIV to NASB when translating words, and the word “entrusted” in Genesis 39:4 becomes the phrase “made him overseer.” This Hebrew word has numerous definitions, such as “attend to, care for, look after, pay attention to, be needed, be appointed, commit care for, observe as to wellbeing.”

When God chooses us to be the mamas to our rainbow babies, He is entrusting them to us. He is asking us to attend to our babies, care for them, look after them, pay attention to them. While God doesn’t need any of us to do anything for Him, He wants us to be needed by our children and we are needed by the world to fulfill our missions as mamas because He has appointed us such. He wants us to commit to care for them and observe their wellbeing in this world.

Woah, mamas. Take a look at that again! It doesn’t matter who on this earth has deemed you unworthy; God has deemed you entrusted.

How do we know that God sees us the same way that Potiphar saw Joseph? Jesus tells several parables in the Gospels about servants being entrusted with wealth or power by their masters. In particular, Luke 12 documents a longer parable where Jesus discusses servants needing to be dressed and ready with lamps burning, waiting for the master to return. Later, He directly explains that all must be ready when He returns.

But when Peter asks for further clarification- is this parable for the disciples, or is it for everyone?- Jesus continues the parable by discussing the manager, a servant in charge of other servants. His job is to give them their food portions at the correct time. If this servant is doing his job when the master returns, then the master will put him in charge of all his possessions.

Sound familiar? Just as Joseph was put in charge of Potiphar’s possessions when he prospers, God puts us in charge of His possessions when we prosper. This especially includes our children, who will hopefully grow to be servants of His Kingdom as well! And since He is the one who causes us to prosper, just as He did for Joseph, He will keep us in this cycle perpetually: as He causes us to prosper, He puts us in charge of His possessions, where He will continue to cause us to prosper… and so on until eternity!

Jesus ends this parable by saying, “...from the one who has been entrusted with much, much more will be asked” (Luke 12:48c). You see, God doesn’t just entrust us with our children and then walk away- He will continually ask us to step into the role and trust Him to be with us and prosper us, just as Joseph did. The Greek for “entrusted” here indicates what God is asking of us: to be “beside, near” our children, to be “before [them] in teaching,” to “commend to [them] for protection, safety.” God doesn’t just ask us to meet their physical needs of shelter, food, and clothing, not just their emotional needs of kindness and care; here He specifically asks for us to meet spiritual needs: walking beside, teaching, and protection.

In his letter to Timothy, Paul makes the spiritual emphasis of entrustment very clear: “Timothy, guard what has been entrusted to your care” (1 Timothy 6:20a). The Greek here has two meanings-

First, “things consigned to one’s faithful keeping.” Our children’s very lives have been entrusted to us for faithful keeping. What are we doing to care for them on a daily basis that is faithfully keeping them?

Maybe our house is a mess, but is it filled with laughter and bonding and time shared where we model the loving kindness of their Father in heaven? Entrusted.

Maybe our fridges and freezers are full of frozen foods, but are we teaching our children to pray before that meal? Entrusted.

Maybe our kids get way too much screen time, but are the videos they watch praise and worship songs about their Savior Jesus Christ? Entrusted.

Second, “knowledge of the gospel to be held faithfully and delivered to others.” Just as faithfully as we keep our children, we are to keep the gospel, and then we are to share it with others- first and foremost, those very children we’ve been entrusted with. When we are faithful to look after these spiritually needs of our rainbow babies, God will allow these endeavors to prosper, and then He will entrust us with even more. The cycle never ends if we continue to keep this faith.

It’s so easy to look at the standards of this world and deem ourselves unworthy- unworthy of a blessing, unworthy of prosperity, unworthy of love. But God sees things differently. He has already entrusted to us the most precious thing in the world- the Good News. If we are faithful with that, especially when it comes to our kids, we can replace the world’s unworthiness with entrustment and find joy in the fact that God has deemed us trustworthy of His blessings, over and over again.