March 11, 2021
To my Rainbow Baby, Henry,
Today, you are four weeks- which is officially 1 month- old!! How is that possible?! Where have the last 28 days gone?! You are growing so fast, getting bigger and more personality everyday, and I just want time to stand still! I am already a third of the way done with my maternity leave, and even though summer will begin and give us another 10 weeks together two weeks after I go back to work, I am already feeling like this special time we’re having together just the two of us is flying by. I’m doing my best to drink up every moment I have while you are this little, because I know it will be gone before I know it.
I’ve been thinking a lot about the passage of time this week because everyone is talking about the fact that we’ve officially been in this pandemic for a year. A year of shut downs, a year of socially distancing, a year of mask wearing, a year of anything but normal. For us in particular, it has also been a year since we reached a major milestone in our fertility journey. On March 13th, it will be one year since my egg retrieval, which technically means it will be one year since you were conceived! And that journey has been anything but normal, too.
So much has happened in that year that has gone by. After spending 5 days growing healthy and strong in a little dish, you became one of three snowflake babies, awaiting the moment you would be placed in Mommy’s tummy. The pandemic postponed that moment for us until the summer, when you, as a perfect little embryo, were transferred into my womb to grow into the little boy that is snuggled against my chest right now. During that year, I went to doctor’s appointments alone, overcame my fear of having my blood drawn- again, because I had to do it alone- and having to FaceTime your daddy so he could still be a part of every glimpse we got of you as you grew. I experienced the craziest year I’ve ever had at work, teaching school completely online, in a weird mixture of in-person and virtually, and taking a pause in all of that during a strike to fight for my own safety and that of my students. We haven’t seen any of our extended family in person during this year, having to celebrate your pending arrival and each milestone along the way from afar and through a screen. I’ve said it many times before, and I’m sure I’ll be saying it for a long time to come- nothing about how you came into this world was normal. But that’s how I know that God has blessed us with a special little miracle.
In some ways, it’s hard to believe a whole year has gone by since you started as a tiny embryo in a dish. After we spent so many years on the infertility journey, the fact that you are now here in my arms feels like I blinked and suddenly it had all happened. In other ways, it feels like this year has been long, exhausting, and overwhelming with all the struggles and blessings that have come in the last 365 days. Regardless of the ups and downs, the mountains and valleys, though, I would not have things any other way because it would mean a different ending, and there is nothing that I could want more than YOU snuggled up with me right now. In the Bible, Hannah prays for this child, being very specific that she has been praying for the exact little boy that God has blessed her with. That is what I have been praying for three years, that God would bless me with this child, with you. Every single step that He led us on along the way brought us right to this moment, where we get to be the mommy and daddy of Henry John Miller. So as I look back on this last year, from the moment you were created until this one where I write to you as you sleep on my chest, I am so grateful that God orchestrated our journey just so. He always knew that it would lead to this moment, and I praise Him for His omniscience, blessing, and mercy. I am utterly undeserving of such a blessing, and I pray that He will equip me to be the mom that brings Him glory through the way I raise my children. I hope that I will be a model of Jesus to you, my sweet boy, so that you will grow to walk in His footsteps alongside me.
I am so honored to be your mommy, Henry. Thank you for being this child.
I love you, little Rainbow Henry.
Love, Mommy
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