Replacing Burden with Equipping

 

When I started this journey to share my struggle with pregnancy after loss and infertility, I had some conversations with friends that had also had similar experiences. The thing about loss and infertility is that, while no one talks about it, it’s a pretty big club, so naturally I had quite a few friends who had experienced loss, infertility or both. 

During one such conversation, a friend of mine shared some feelings that I never knew I had experienced myself:

Why was I given this trial? Why infertility?

What is this supposed to teach me?

Why are you calling me to IVF?

Why do others get this so easily when it’s hard for me?

I don’t want to carry this burden.

Why me?

While so many of these questions had bounced around in my head over and over again throughout the years, I had never framed my thinking in this way. My friend had seen her struggle with infertility as a calling from God, and her questions were focused on why God was asking her to specifically walk this journey in her testimony. What really struck me was that word “burden” - that feeling over something heavy, difficult to carry. At times, she felt that her calling was a burden that was difficult to carry, and she wrestled with wanting to lean into that.

As we talked about her journey, I also noticed a shift in her thinking as she shared how she handled such a heavy burden. She mentioned some trials in her pregnancy, and noted that positive outcomes in some diagnoses were an indication from God that He would deliver this baby, this promise. She felt confident that God had asked her to walk through infertility to show her that He was truly in control of her story. He had helped her to trust more and more throughout the process and this in turn helped her to hand her situation over to God more and more. She stated that she felt almost no anxiety through the course of her pregnancy because of this, that God had given her peace over the outcome because she knew He had called her to it.

As I listened to her share these experiences, something dawned on me: every step of her journey, no matter how difficult, no matter how burdensome, was meant to equip her to handle the testimony God was calling her to. He knew that He would take this struggle and turn it into something beautiful, and so He walked with her in each step to give her what she needed to take her story to His kingdom. It was a beautiful example of the redemptive power of God.

When reframed in this way, I find this totally fascinating. When we’re faced with pregnancy and motherhood after loss and infertility as a calling, the anxiety can cause us to feel burdened mentally by the struggle God has allowed in our lives. We wonder why He would include this in our testimony of His love and grace. We wonder if we can truly handle it.

This is where the mental toll of busyness can really affect us. When we see this calling as a burden, we have a tendency to allow it to weigh us down, so everything in our schedules related to it becomes a challenge. Doctor’s appointments. Lunch dates with friends beginning their own journey. Activities with our own kids who we are trying to cherish as a miracle. All of it can become so burdensome, so overwhelming that we find ourselves not wanting to walk this part of our testimony anymore. We want God to just “take the cup” from us, just as Jesus Himself prayed in the face of His own calling. We won’t ever be able to approach this calling another way until we allow God to equip us for what He’s called us to do.

When I looked for this concept in Scripture, I had to get a little bit creative in my search to find what God wanted me to learn. As I’ve mentioned before, this is just the work of the Holy Spirit guiding me. I searched both “equipped” and “equip.” There weren’t a lot of examples of those words being used in Scripture, even in the NIV and ESV. What I did find in those verses, is that when I switched them to the KJV, many of them translated “equip” as “make perfect.” I instinctively leaned away from that phrasing at first. The last thing any of us need is to be made to feel like we have to be perfect as we walk this journey God has called us to. But when I started looking at the verses where this phrasing was used, something jumped out at me that led me to pursue this search deeper. I’ll get to all these ideas as we dive in.

The first time the word “equipped” shows up in Scripture is in the story of the Israelites leaving Egypt in Exodus. Moses explains that God didn’t lead the Israelites through Philistine country even though that was the shorter route. God knew they’d probably willingly return to Egypt if they faced war from the Philistines. Instead, “​​God led the people around by the way of the wilderness toward the Red Sea. And the people of Israel went up out of the land of Egypt equipped for battle” (Exodus 13:18 ESV). I find this incredibly intriguing: God led the Israelites away from the path that would lead to war but still equipped them for battle. Why?

The NASB translates “equipped” as “in a martial way” and the Hebrew here means “battle array, armed.” Similarly, in Psalm 18, David shared that “For you equipped me with strength for the battle; you made those who rise against me sink under me” (verse 39 ESV). The NASB of this verse uses “girded me,” which means “equip, cloth, hold close, clasp, girded with might.” David absolutely faced literal battles in his life, but just as often, he faced struggles that were a mental war instead of a physical one. This is the type of battle that the Israelites faced, too. In both cases, God equipped them with what they would need to face such a struggle.

Imagine leaving a land that has been keeping your people as slaves for generations. While God may know you won’t be facing war because of the way He will lead you, you have no idea what you will face when you get into the wilderness. How would you want to be equipped in that case, even if you never needed it? God knew the hearts of His people when He sent them out of Egypt. He knew they needed to be equipped for battle in order to feel safe for their journey, which turned out to be a mental war instead of a physical one.

In the same way, David calls God his strength, rock, fortress, deliverer, refuge, shield, horn of salvation, and stronghold in Psalm 18. Talk about equipped. David specifically says that God is the one that comes charging in with weapons against his enemies, that his enemies “confronted me in the day of my disaster, but the Lord was my support” (verse 18 NIV). When I read this verse, it sounds to me as if David is already experiencing disaster when his enemies target him. Isn’t that always how it goes? Things are already rough and then something else comes to pile on top. A clear picture of “burden.” But God is the one that comes in and supports David, arming him with strength, training him for battle, and personally pursuing and destroying his enemies.

So much of what we’ve explored this month indicates a partnership that is needed between us and God, and this concept is no different. That’s why the Spirit called me to look further in the KJV use of “makes perfect.” Because that absolutely requires a partnership between us and God.

In Psalm 138, David says, “The Lord will perfect that which concerneth me: thy mercy, O Lord, endureth for ever: forsake not the works of thine own hands” (verse 8 KJV). In this verse, God is the subject; He’s performing the action. We do not have to strive or work to be perfect- let’s face it, we would never accomplish it if it was all on us. The Hebrew word used here means “come to an end, complete, cease, bring to an end,” and specifically “God completes, accomplishes for me.” The NIV translates “the Lord will perfect” as “the Lord will vindicate.” I love this image. God is the one that will accomplish the perfecting for me. He’s the one that will right the wrong of the struggle, the turmoil I face. He will make me complete to handle the calling He’s placed on me. I don’t have to be perfect in my own strength; I just need to allow Him to perfect me in the way I need to be equipped.

What’s amazing to me about this idea of equipping is that it’s ultimately a community endeavor. Once we’ve gone through this process of equipping, God calls us to then pass it on. Paul says in Ephesians 4:12, “So Christ himself gave the apostles, the prophets, the evangelists, the pastors and teachers, to equip his people for works of service, so that the body of Christ may be built up” (NIV). The Greek here means “complete furnishing” meaning that those Christ equips as evangelists (aka all of us!!) will then completely equip the rest of the body of Christ, who will then pass it on to the next generation of believers, and so on! 

This is what I truly see for those of us who are pregnant and mothers after infertility and loss. God has equipped us and has given us women who’ve walked this journey before us to equip us in this calling. He has ensured that we are able to handle the burden of it. Though it may be overwhelming at times, though it may contribute to our busyness, He has made sure we have what we need to walk this testimony for the glorification of His kingdom. Then, we will be able to work with Him in equipping other women who walk this journey after us. They will be ready to do the same for the next generation. If we continue partnering with God in this equipping, women will be walking this journey for the glory of God for generations to come. Like my friend, they will be able to believe His promises for themselves and their babies, they will hand things over to Him and trust in His control, and they will experience His peace through it all.

When we replace the burden of our calling with God’s equipping, we can believe that God will give us what we need to handle the exact story He has planned for us. We will find joy in what He will do with that testimony. We will continue passing this on to the next generation to walk this journey. Will it eliminate the problems of infertility and loss? No. Will it erase the struggle they cause? No. But it will turn this trauma into something beautiful, and it will bring this struggle further into the light. I pray that, as we continue to equip ourselves and those walking this journey after us, that the loss and infertility club will no longer be something hidden that we don’t talk about, but will be an open and vocal community of women supporting and equipping each other in partnership with God. What a way to glorify Him with our calling.