Our Rainbow Baby's Birth Story

 

Justin and I have been on the journey to become parents for over 3 years now, but that journey began its closing chapter in a whirlwind on February 10, 2021.

At just 2 days shy of 38 weeks, I knew in my head that Rainbow Baby could arrive at any time. However, my heart felt like I had more time to prepare, mentally and emotionally, for that moment to arrive. I should have known that, true to the form this story has taken all along, nothing would be as I anticipated it to be when that moment finally came!

Justin and I had had dinner together and then got into bed to watch Netflix and fall asleep like we normally do. I was running through lists in my head for work and for home for the following day, and for about the millionth time that evening, started to get out of bed to go to the bathroom. As I rolled over to stand up, a sudden gush sent a shock through my body: either I had just peed my pants or… I quickly made my way to the bathroom, giving Justin a look of slight concern. He immediately perked up and asked me what was wrong. Since I wasn’t a hundred percent sure, I just went into the bathroom and sat on the toilet. After a few minutes, I hesitantly called out, “Uhhh hon? I think my water just broke…”

God bless my husband, he stayed so calm: asked me if I was okay, asked me what I wanted to do, dug through our paperwork for directions from the OB, called the hospital, called the doctor’s office, called my mom, all while I sat on the toilet feeling more and more convinced that my water had in fact broke. After a few phone calls, our instructions were just to head to the hospital, so we frantically ran around the apartment gathering up the few things that hadn’t been added to the go-bag yet, hoped in the car, and headed out.

As we drove, I started texting people- coworkers to make sure my students were taken care of the following day, family and friends who should be in the loop from the get-go. And then I started feeling crampy. Nothing crazy, but definitely an indicator that contractions might be starting. However, I hadn’t felt Braxton Hicks at all during the pregnancy, so I started to convince myself that maybe that’s what was going on. By the time we got to the hospital, I half expected them to check me out and send me home as a false alarm. However, when we got to triage, the nurse confirmed that my water had indeed broken, I was 3 cm dilated,  and that we were being admitted to have our baby! Suddenly everything felt so unbelievably real and I just stared at Justin in shock. We were hours away from the finish line of this part of the journey, and staring down the starting line of parenthood.

In triage- that smile indicates that the contractions are still easy. Ha!

    It took awhile for us to get moved to Labor and Delivery because COVID. My test results had to come back before we could officially be admitted. During that wait, my contractions started to get more intense, and by the time we left triage for our L&D room, I was audibly groaning through each one while crushing my poor husband’s hand. As we walked to our new room, the L&D nurse asked me about an epidural, to which I wholeheartedly said, “YES NOW PLEASE!” If you’ve had a baby, you know the process takes awhile from when you ask to when you are actually finally feeling the effects, so by the time the doctor arrived to get me hooked up, I was screaming through the contractions. I have a low pain tolerance, so I was already expecting the worst, but somehow it still exceeded those expectations. I have no idea how I managed to get through the epidural insertions without moving. Mamas who go natural are truly the strongest women on the planet. I bow to you, goddess ;)

Then it took awhile for the drugs to spread to all the right places to get me comfortable, so I was still moaning and groaning for about an hour after I was hooked up. Eventually, though, I was in a place where I could rest, and Justin and I attempted to doze while I continued to labor. Each time the nurse checked my progress, I had dilated further, and by 9 the next morning, I was fully dilated! The nurses kept talking about how quickly I had progressed, so I was feeling very lucky and praising God that He had gotten us this far so smoothly. But as I mentioned, Rainbow Baby’s journey into this world has been anything but conventional, so cue the plot twist in 3… 2… 1…

During a check of my progress late in my laboring, our L&D nurse noticed that baby was face up instead of face down. Since delivery is much easier when baby is face down, she called my OB to come have a look and see what we should do. When Dr. Adkins arrived to check me out, she made a valiant- and excruciating- effort to manually flip baby. In the process, she determined that my pelvis might be too narrow for me to naturally push baby out on my own and that a C-Section might be necessary. She didn’t want me to spend hours and hours pushing, but she decided to let me push for about an hour and a half before making a call about surgery.

So our L&D nurse prepped me to push and I worked myself into exhaustion for 90 minutes trying to bring my baby into the world. At the end of that time, baby had not budged an inch, so the L&D nurse called my doctor, who decided that it was time to shift plans and prepare me for surgery to get our Rainbow Baby out. I thanked God for Dr. Adkins’ mercy. I truly applaud anyone who has pushed for 2, 3, or more hours to bring their babe into this world. Ninety minutes was utterly grueling for me and at the end, I was glad to be done pushing, even if it meant a major surgery. I think if I had been making progress, I would have been able to keep going with my eyes on the prize, but after I did all that work and was no closer to holding my baby, I did not think I could last any longer.

After 90 minutes of pushing, I passed out while we waited for our OR to be prepped. Childbirth is no joke!

    My husband was a rock through it all. He held my hand, told me how great I was doing, reminded me that that contraction was over and I never had to do it again, told me I could keep going when I wasn’t sure that I could. When the doctor mentioned C-Section, he asked me if I was okay, made sure I felt comfortable with everything the doctors and nurses were advising, and told me I could do that too. I never would have gotten through that 90 minute push without him.

Justin geared up for the OR- He said the hardest part of this whole day was waiting for them to let him in the room with me.

When the OR was ready for us, we started getting prepped for surgery. Justin donned all his sterile gear to be able to sit by me while our baby was delivered. I was given numbing meds that completely eliminated all feeling from the waste down. And then we were rolling out. Justin had to wait in the hall while I was draped and prepped in the OR, and then he sat by my head and held my hand once surgery began. After what seemed like an eternity and the blink of an eye all at once, the doctor held our Rainbow Baby up for Justin to see and he turned to me and said, “It’s a boy!”

My response? “SHUT UP! Seriously?!” I was in utter shock! I hadn’t really had much of an inkling about what gender our Rainbow Baby would be, but if Justin had told me it was a girl, I wouldn’t have been surprised. But a boy? I was floored.

And then the nurse brought our little man around so we could see him, and when I locked eyes with our son, I was a goner. Just like that, this little nugget stole my heart at seconds old. Our Henry John had finally entered the world.

The first time we laid eyes on our Rainbow Baby, Henry John

    I didn’t realize that that moment wasn’t even the best one of my life, because a few minutes later, they brought Henry around to us and handed him to Justin. When I saw my husband holding my son, looking down at him and completely changing in an instant, the size of my heart doubled. I never knew that being a mom meant not having to make room in your heart for the newest love of your life- your ability to love that much just grows to include each little life that stems from your love with your husband. Justin was smitten with Henry from the moment the nurse placed him in his arms, and I was smitten all over again with Justin.

The size of my heart instantly doubling watching the man I love meet the little boy I love

    When they finally had me closed and ready for post-op, they laid Henry on my chest and I got to see and hear and smell and kiss my son for the first time. The first thing I said to him? “We’ve been waiting for you for a long time, little one. Mommy loves you so much.” I felt like my heart might burst and I said a silent prayer to God of joy, praise, and thanksgiving that our journey to this moment was finally over. It seemed like an eternity to get to hold my baby in my arms, and yet I now cannot remember what life was like without him to hold and snuggle and love. Thank you, God, for protecting us and blessing us with this little miracle. He has stolen our hearts completely.

Holding my Rainbow Baby for the very first time- I don't think I'll ever let go!

Through all the love and congratulations and blessings our friends and family have bestowed on us since Henry arrived, the thing someone said to us that I’ve cherished the most is this: “Babies that come early just can’t wait another minute to be in our arms.” Thinking back to the woman I was even seconds before my water broke, I cannot imagine how she thought she could wait two more weeks for this little Rainbow Baby Boy to arrive. I get to hold him and snuggle him and care for him for two extra weeks, and I’m so okay with that!

Henry John, your parents have been wanting you for a long, long time. We have been praying for you and working for you, enduring heartache and struggle and stressful medical treatments to get to you. Now that you are here, I can only think one thing: every single second of that journey was so worth it. We love you so much and we are so blessed to be your mommy and daddy.

Welcome to the world, Henry John! We can't wait for this adventure with you!