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September 4, 2020


To my Rainbow Baby,


Today, I am 15 weeks pregnant! We have had a busy week with lots of joys and celebration being sent our way at the news of your impending arrival. After spending the weekend sharing the news with our extended family and friends, I posted an announcement on Monday sharing our miraculous news on my social media accounts. With that announcement, I officially launched my blog, including all of my letters to you so far and my first piece sharing the journey we’ve been on over the last three years to get to this point where we are waiting for you to debut. I can only give all the glory of the response to God- it has been nothing short of breath-taking. Some many women I have known and loved for years shared comments that they too have angel babies in heaven and a rainbow baby on earth. Women that I have not seen or spoken to since high school or college shared how much my words have already helped them and how they can’t wait to be a part of this journey I am sharing. God revealed Himself in all of these comments, big and small, and confirmed to me that launching this project was a part of His plan that I am so glad I followed obediently. The words these women shared with me have already been a blessing to me in only a few short days. During that time, I have also used a social media account specifically for the blog to find similar accounts to follow so that God’s message through me can reach a wider audience, and I have already gotten follows from women who have been on or are currently on the same journey that I do not know personally. I do not know how far God will carry this message, but I can already see its impact in my own circles, and I am beyond humbled that God would choose me to be the vessel of this message.


Sprinkled among this joy is a bit of anxiety that I was not anticipating. As my message reaches out to women who have been on their own versions of this journey, I have encountered stories of God working in women’s lives who have been through even more than I have: late pregnancy losses, stillbirths, infancy loss, and more. Entering the second trimester felt like a safe place to land, a safe place to share our news and launch this project, but the reality is that no place in this process is ever 100% safe this side of heaven. While the risk has diminished significantly during the last few weeks, there is never a time where the enemy of this world won’t seek to upend everything to wreak havoc and cause tragedy. So I’ve been reminding myself this week more than I anticipated that God is good. God will be victorious. God is in complete control over all of this. No matter what happens as we progress through the weeks of this pregnancy, He will work everything together into the most glorious picture of His power and provision, so I will put my confidence in Him alone- not numbers, not statistics, not others’ stories, not my own fears. Only He stands firms through all the other chaos of this world that swirls around me. I am confident that He has a plan for this pregnancy: for my life, for your life, and for this project that I have launched into the world. It is all meant to do a crazy amount of good- not only to bless women all over but to bless me as I continue on this journey, too. So that is what I stand on today as we settle in to the second trimester.


Today, you are as big as a navel orange. Your weight has doubled this week, and you are growing like a weed, as my dad used to say! You are able to move all your limbs now and I am so anxious to feel you kick or squirm, though that is still a few more weeks away. You are bending your knees and elbows, and even breathing amniotic fluid. Your eyelids are still shut, but you can sense light now. I am praying that God continues to watch over your little life, that He helps you to grow healthy and strong. I am grateful that the discomfort of the first trimester has finally eased up, that my nausea is seldom and minor and that my energy is coming back strong. I am rejoicing over all He has given us in these last 4 months and I pray He will give me strength and patience for each milestone we pass along our way to finally meeting you. Everything about this journey is in His hands so I pray He will do His will for all of us.


I love you, little Rainbow Baby.


Love, Mommy

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