September 18, 2020
To my Rainbow Baby,
Today, I am 17 weeks pregnant! Each week that goes by seems to go a little bit quicker, and it makes your impending arrival seem more and more real. Your daddy and I talked a lot this week about some of the things we have to do to get ready for you. One of our biggest priorities is our vehicles. Neither of us has a car that is conducive with family life. Your mommy has a tiny, two door hatchback that has been nicknamed “the Lima Bean.” It certainly is not built for putting a carseat in the back. Your daddy has a pickup truck with a backseat bench so narrow, I don’t think you could fit a carseat back there, even with the passenger seat pushed all the way to the dashboard! So we have been discussing our options for replacing these tiny vehicles. These conversations have made everything seem a lot more real for me. These are things that we knew we would need to do when there was a baby coming, but now that we are actually taking steps to do it, I’m definitely feeling a mix of energy to nest and prepare, and a bit of fear that the moment we make a big financial commitment, everything will go wrong. I have to keep reminding myself that doing the things that we need to do to prepare for you won’t cause anything bad to happen- in fact, we’ll be in a pickle if we don’t do them! On the flip side, holding off on doing these won’t protect us from something bad happening, either. We just have to keep taking steps forward, one at a time, to get ready for you, and let God handle the rest. Most days, I feel okay about doing that, but the anxiety brought on by my past never really vanishes. Hiding God’s truth in my heart is the only thing that quells those fears.
I went back to my school building today for work for the first time in a month! Our school district is starting to make preparations to welcome kids back to the building for the first time since March, so we had some meetings and trainings today to start getting ready. It was the first time since I’ve seen my work friends since telling them about you, and it was kind of fun and certainly heartwarming to hear congratulatory comments and share about all that has happened recently to get to you! My department has been so supportive and helpful over the last year and half, as your daddy and I went through all the treatments and tests to make your existence possible. They prayed for me and shared kind words of support and comfort. They made sure things were taken care of for substitutes or my student teacher when I had to be out of school. They covered my classes when I was going to be late or had to leave early. They were such an integral part of all of this being successful, so it was nice to finally share you with them in person. I’m so grateful that God placed me in the job that He did, not just because it was my dream job after finishing grad school, but because He surrounded me with people that support me in work and in life.
Today, you are the size of a pomegranate! Seems like yesterday, you were just the size of a pomegranate seed, and now you are 5 inches long and weigh almost 6 ounces. I’m getting closer and closer to feeling you kick for the first time! You are plumping up with that adorable baby fat that I can’t wait to snuggle, and you are developing cartilage into bone. Your brain has started to control your heartbeat, and your developing teeth buds under your gums! As for your mommy, the belly is definitely out in full force. I only have a little bit of nausea in the morning, but I’m going to the bathroom constantly! I learned today that the itchiness I’ve been feeling is a symptom of my skin stretching as you continue to grow. I pray as work becomes more stressful and demanding, that God continues to watch over us both, keep us safe and healthy, and protect us from the on-going struggles of this pandemic. I ask for His peace, comfort, and strength as I walk into a situation full of unknowns, and that He provides for me in everything I encounter at work. I pray that He watches over you, allowing you to keep growing healthy and strong, and that He helps my body to provide a safe and happy home for you over the next 5 months. I put everything- my job, our financial decisions, your life- into His hands and ask that He keep guiding my steps in His will, one at a time.
I love you, little Rainbow Baby.
Love, Mommy
Comments
Post a Comment