To my Rainbow Baby,
Today, I am 9 weeks pregnant! I am doing all I can to take care of you by taking care of myself. I’m doing my best to eat healthy, although I don’t always succeed because my nausea makes my food aversions strong. My stomach is very picky right now, preferring bland carbs like pasta and mashed potatoes. I’m struggling to eat much protein other than chicken nuggets because most meat is turning my stomach. But I’m making smoothies everyday with fruit and spinach and protein shakes to try to make sure I’m getting good, real food. The struggle is real but so worth it, little one, if it means you are still growing in my belly everyday. I will endure all the nausea in the world to keep you healthy and strong.
I’m starting to feel more settled in my pregnancy. The worries have not been completely eliminated- just this morning, I was talking with God about some worries because my nausea had been nonexistent since a fairly strong bout yesterday morning. My anxieties immediately went to a place that said, “No nausea means no crazy hormones, which means your levels are dropping, which means bad bad bad bad bad…” So I stopped spiralling and started talking to God, and He made sure I heard Him loud and clear- the nausea is most definitely not gone! I need to be more grateful for the lulls, because they don’t come often right now. But for the most part, I do not spend much time wallowing in worry. I am anxious for my next appointment to get confirmation that you are doing okay. I will be making the transition next week from my fertility doctor to a general OB, mostly just to do paperwork, but each step forward is a reminder that we are still on the road to meeting you.
My belly is definitely starting to make pants feel tight! You, however, are only the size of a cherry! Your heart has its four chambers and will start developing valves soon. You’re also growing teeth buds and your tail has almost disappeared. So much is happening inside of my body that I cannot see, which is amazing and scary all at the same time. I pray that God is holding your little life in His hands, helping you to progress through each week just as you should. I pray that He will continue to comfort me in my anxieties, to give me peace over my worries, and to give me strength to endure all the ups and downs that pregnancy brings my way. I pray that as I get further in this journey, that God will inspire me to share my story with people who need to hear about His sovereignty, His goodness, and His love, and that He will bring women in my circle who will be blessed by my journey with Him through infertility and pregnancy after a loss. Each week, as you grow, my heart’s desire to share my story grows, too. I pray the Holy Spirit will move in me to show me the message God wants me to share, and that He will give me the words and the Scriptures to bring Him glory through my testimony. You are a miracle, little one, and God is going to use this story to do amazing things! So I place your life in His hands and ask that He do His will in both of us.
I love you, little Rainbow Baby.
Love, Mommy
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