April 11, 2021
To my Rainbow Baby, Henry,
Today, you are two months old! I cannot stand how fast time is flying. I cannot stand how quickly you are growing. You have now been our whole world for 8 weeks, for 59 days. I can’t even remember what life was like before you arrived. It seems like a lifetime ago! Your daddy was even asking me if I remember how to do my job! Honestly, between the whirlwind of your birth and this crazy school year, I really don’t! Thinking about all that has happened this school year- the pandemic, the constant shifts in how we’re doing school, the strike, and now maternity leave- I cannot believe we’re still in the same school year. I literally have no concept of time right now, which just makes it even crazier that you are already 2 months old.
You are getting so big, sweet boy! You are getting more personality everyday, smiling at your people, exploring all the things around you. You’re holding yourself up and getting stronger during Tummy Time, you love looking at your black and white books and mobile hangers, and you are starting to make all sorts of sounds to talk to us. I can’t get enough of watching you learn and grow- every smile and coo is like a revelation to me! You seriously are a little miracle and I’m amazed by every little thing you do. Gammaw says you are developing so fast, just like your mommy did when she was a baby. That excites me and terrifies me all at once- I’m so excited to see you thrive and I know you’re going to be an extraordinary little boy, but I don’t want you to grow up too fast! I’m trying to savor every moment with you, knowing that it will be gone and you’ll be growing even more in the blink of an eye. Stay little as long as you can, little man. There’s plenty of time to be grown.
While you are growing leaps and bounds, your momma is also getting back to herself more each day. This week, I scheduled my first work out since you were born. I’ll be going back tomorrow, and I’m already terrified! Truthfully, it will be my first real workout in 13 months. The last time I worked out in the gym was March 11, 2020. Two days later, I had my egg retrieval, and the following week, gyms were shut down. By the time everything opened back up, I was preparing for my embryo transfer and did not want to expose myself- or you!- to all the germs in a gym. Once I was pregnant, my doctor didn’t want me doing in-person workouts, and then I was restricted for 8 weeks after you were born. So other than doing some workouts at home and going on walks, I haven’t had much physical activity in over a year. I know I’m going to get my butt whooped and be so sore afterwards, but I’m excited to get back to doing something that I enjoyed so much before the world shut down, and I’m happy to be doing something to take care of myself. I’m so proud of what my body endured to bring you into this world- especially after all the ways that it didn’t quite do what is so easy for others to do. And I’m not overly negative about the way my body looks now, after going through all of that. But I know I will feel better physically and mentally if I get back into my routine of exercising. I want to have lots of energy to play with you as you grow, and I want to stay healthy so I can be around to see all that you will do! So tomorrow will be that first step back, and I’m looking forward to it- even if I know it will be brutal!
I can’t believe I only have 5 weeks left of my maternity leave. Thirty five days to soak up every minute with you, to keep watching you grow and learn, before I will be spending most of my days with other people’s kids. Granted, I’ll only be working for 9 days before summer break starts, but I’m already dreading that moment when I’ll have to leave you. Over the weekend, your daddy and I went out with some friends, and my friend asked me if I cried when I dropped you with the sitter. I didn’t- it wasn’t my first time leaving you for a few hours, but so far I haven’t left you for very long. Thinking about that first 8 hour day back at school already has me choking up, so I know it will be a struggle for me, even if it will only be for 2 weeks. So this week, I pray that God will help me enjoy every minute that’s left of my leave. I want to savor these next 5 weeks with you, and continue to marvel at how much more you will grow and learn in that time together. I pray that He will start to prepare my heart to go back to work so that the transition is easier for both of us. I already have worries about the best plan for feeding you, since we are combo feeding right now, so I pray that He will give me answers when we meet the lactation consult at your 2 month appointment this week, and that He will ease my anxieties over it as I begin to work on a plan. I pray that you have continued to grow since our last appointment and that your doctor will have great things to say about how you are thriving. I praise Him for the little miracle that you are and I thank Him everyday that I am worthy enough to be your mommy.
I love you, little Rainbow Henry.
Love, Mommy
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