Replacing Obligation with Faith
One of the biggest ways I knew I was struggling with depression and anxiety after my miscarriage was how I was going about my faith in the months that followed. On the outside, I was doing all the things I always did, that I was supposed to do: attending Bible Study with my homework completed, reading my devotional and Bible reading plan daily, attending church. I was the picture of a devout Christian, turning towards God in my hour of grief. But on the inside, I was numb. I was going through the motions of these activities, continuing to participate in them because I was supposed to, not because I wanted to. My prayers oscillated between indecipherable sobs and silence. I wasn’t engaged in my faith in any meaningful way; I was doing what I knew I should out of obligation. In the early days of this feeling, I buried my inability to find the desire to practice my faith. I thought it meant my faith was weak. I thought it meant I didn’t have the right connection with God